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    4/24/2009

    酒吧逸事

          这两天发生了太多事,整个人感觉跌宕起伏的。今晚心情恢复正常了,写点什么呢?想起了昨天最温馨的事:晚上和同学去酒吧hang out。

          这件事说起来真得很巧,现在想起来还很是津津有味。晚上8:30上完课,同学们商量说去酒吧庆祝,因为那节累人的“mathematics“终于结束了。况且两个小时的课上居然没给break,可能老师太想早点上完回家看棒球吧。没有break,同学们都受不了,陆续走出教室,片刻再回来。我也一样。所以一下课,就像解放一样,近十个同学向酒吧挺进(这节课一共才17人)。我因为第二天有一个课堂的presentation,况且作为ID的护照也没随身带,就推辞了。其实我心底还是痒痒得想去,在回家的路上想象,如果他们去我小区门口的那个酒吧就好了。谁知刚到家才两分钟,就有人敲门。我那不着边际的想象还居然成真了,两个同学站在门口,把我拉了去。这真是。。。这么多bar,他们偏挑这个。后来我才发现,那些决定者也不知道我就住在这附近,只是其中几个人经常来这家,喜欢这儿而已。可我经过这个bar门前不下上百次,才第一次走进去。估计在这两个小“town”里,没有一家bar他们没去过吧。

          这些同学中,大都我都还从没有和他们一起这样喝酒、谈天。在系里聊天是没有任何格外感觉的。可是当晚我们的气氛非常融洽,笑声不断,我没有丝毫格格不入的感觉。真庆幸能有这样一帮很nice的同学。不大记得我们谈的具体内容了,总之是扯东扯西,谈天谈地。不过有一件我是不会忘的,他们居然又和我辩论起西藏的事。。。记得其中一个男的,我们去年第一次见面,orientation后系里的同学一起去酒吧,他就和我谈西藏。。。无语了。还有一个女的情绪超级激动,我每次话才说半句就反驳。晕,酒精的作用吧。=_=!!!还好另一个同学转移话题,否则我嗓子都要哑了。虽说这种话题累人,累心,但是还能了解其他非中国的思想,准备下次的辩论。下次我一定会赢!

          昨晚和他们在一起消耗了2个半小时。好舒服阿,缓解了前些天的郁闷。还记得刚来美国不久,很早的时候去bar,完全是另一幅景象。那时候我就比较凄惨了。他们谈人谈性,我没法插嘴。其他的话题么,我还没组织好语言,就转移下一个了。相比起来,现在和谐多了。不错不错。

          他们美国人还真是喜欢酒吧啊。当然像这样的小“town”里,也就只有随处可见的酒吧,能给他们带来最大的乐趣吧。我也渐渐适应,在学习这种酒吧文化。每次去bar,总尝试点不同的酒。不过除了调的酒以外,那些个个品牌的啤酒,我还真没喝出不同来。我去bar的次数虽然不多,但也见识过很多类型了。去过那种有弹琴、跳舞的闹吧,说话都要喊的地方;也有只是安静喝酒的地方;还有站满人看球的bar,我过生日的地方就是那里(虽然那晚没有球赛,但也是人山人海……)。在美国人看来,去酒吧、餐馆、咖啡馆,看电影,或家里的party就是平时社交的“所有”方式。因为我也就只见过,或听过这些而已。其他的当然也会有,但远不止这些重要。

          感觉似乎现在的生活方式,和在国内相比,发生了些许变化。至此还挺喜欢的。但愿现在的快乐能继续延续下去。尤其是回美国后的2个月的暑假,不要太boring就好。

    4/21/2009

    Salsa 就这样结束了

          这学期salsa就这样结束了,对于我来说。好不甘心啊。今天最后一次课这么潦草就结束了,交了两个新动作组合而已。还是上周有意思,一直跟着音乐跳,不停的换舞伴跳。学舞蹈不跳一曲怎么能学呢!

          这是我第一次学习一个舞种的舞蹈。记得同学拉我来的时候,我对salsa一窍不通,只知道是一种流行的拉丁舞而已。而且决定参加club的时候,只是因为知道自己不是那种整天学习的人,想每周换一下心情而已。当初完全没有想到会如此真的爱上了salsa。会积极的下载salsa舞曲,观摩youtube上的舞蹈视频。

          这学期一直周一和周四是我最喜欢的日子。尤其是最近这两个星期,一想到这两天临近了,就兴奋不已。那是因为自己的舞艺大有长进的缘故吧。还记得第一次去social的时候,连舞步都踩不准。还好那时的两个舞伴还挺包容的,不过之后再也没有和他们跳过。很想再跟他们合作一次,告诉他们我已经大有长进了。现在大致上已经能够跟从男伴的动作了,即使是那些水平不错的人。和水平较高的人跳感觉就是不一样。虽然时常在被七转八转后,一时找不到下一个动作的感觉,但是他们传达给我的跳舞的热情,由不得我分心。在这个club里面还真有不少人跳得像当出彩,就像在舞台表演时似的,很有范儿!不知道我几年以后才能像他们那样,令人羡慕啊。

          在这个club里,还有一个意想不到的收获,就是多了一种谈资论天的话题。谈着salsa,就从来不会觉得学习的压力,那是一种额外的轻松和愉悦。我还曾小小的教过其他人跳salsa,但不是很成功。还是认真做我的学员吧。哈哈……

         不知道这接下来四个月的暑假,怎么熬过去。只有这个时候我才想下学期快点开始。当然我也不知道下学期还有没有机会再继续学习。但愿时间允许才好!

    4/16/2009

    好可爱的Professor N

          N是一位助理教授,刚从NY大学毕业没两年。可能是因为她年纪轻,没有教授的那种高高在上的感觉,很平易近人。N上课的时候也是,就像是在和我们聊天。也许是因为太轻松了,她也时不时地说出一些惊人的语录。记得有一次,不知道为何,N提起了她的sister。不仅如此,N还说她恨那个sister,她的sister是“傍大款”那一型的,整天打扮啦什么的。她们俩已经好几年没有说话了。这似乎很不是上课的内容,N还讲了2,3分钟。

          还有就是昨天的课了。N本来预期课会上满3个小时,甚至多一点。结果内容讲完一半的时候,才用了1个小时。N说:“Oh, we are moving pretty fast. Oh, because somebody is absent.” 这里铺垫一些背景:这门课上有一个系里新来的家伙,每次上课总是问一些很nasty的问题,一些钻牛角尖,没有必要的,或者重复常识性的问题。我个人是觉得他这个家伙应该多看看书啦。但是其他同学很讨厌他,认为他总问这些问题刁难Professor N。后来每次他问问题的时候,其他人就表现出一副不耐烦的表情,还有人干脆就起身出教室了。昨天那个新家伙没来。总之,N话音刚落,轰堂大笑啊,还有一位鼓掌的。N太可爱了!我还以为这只是流传在同学之间的话语,没想到N也有同感。而且身为老师,在课堂上这样说学生。牛!太可爱了!

    4/14/2009

    Something about man

    1, When a man open the door for a woman and the woman says "Thank you", the perfect answer of the man is "Of course!"

    2, Recently, I find that handsome guys usually are better at almost everything than the other ones, esp for dancing.

    3, Man and woman are equal in America, where there is no girl's club. I felt awful when a guy asked me about my birthday party and I didn't invite him on that day. Awful! Awful!! Awful!!!
    4/12/2009

    他没那么喜欢你

          最近心血来潮,特别想看这部电影《他没那么喜欢你》。可是一直没有找到片源。偶尔在讯雷上看到如下一则评论,浮想联翩……

    “想知道我的圣经吗?下面就是

          一、

      1. 男人要是真心喜欢妳,可是绝不会拖泥带水,他会立刻让你知道。他不会让妳悬着一颗心,因为他自己也要确定妳会不会因此而心灰意冷,转而另觅良人。

      2. 别中了他的计,让妳开口来邀约。

      3. 要是他喜欢妳,就算是发生海啸、洪水,就算红袜队输了,他还是会记得妳。

      4. 所谓借口就是委婉的拒绝。男人压根就不怕会「毁了友谊」。

      5. 别按奈不住而约他出去。他要是喜欢妳,自己就会开口。

      6. 既然妳找的到他,他也找得到妳,所以关键是在于他愿不愿意。

      7. 男人不会忘记他们有多喜欢妳,所以把电话放下。

          二、

      1. 『忙碌』是男女感情里的大规模毁灭性武器。

      2. 『忙碌』是『浑蛋』的同义字。而『浑蛋』就是正在跟妳约会的那个家伙。

      3. 他不打电话是因为没有把妳放在心上。

      4. 他要是在小事上让妳有所期盼,却让妳希望落空,那在大事上一定也会。认清这一点,妳得明白他不觉得让妳失望有什么大了的。

      5. 别跟言行不一的家伙在一起。

      6. 如果说小小一点努力就能让妳安心,也能弭平重复发生的争吵,他却选择不做,那他根本就是不尊重妳的感觉及需要。

      三、

      1. 妳不该委屈自己,所以没有鱼,虾不见得好。

      四、

      1. 每个人随时都在告诉妳他是什么样的人,所以男人说他没有办法感情专一的话,妳就应该相信他。

      2. 失去男朋友很难再找到一个,但失去了自尊会更难找回来。轻重可得分清楚。

      五、

      1. 劈腿是不会自然而然发生的,又不是发生意外,说一声「哎唷,我不小心脚滑了一下,摔到别人床上去了」就可以没事了。劈腿的人从头到尾都很清楚可能会毁掉一段恋情。搞清楚这一点:要是他瞒着妳跟别人上床,那他不只是没有那么喜欢妳,只怕根本就不在乎妳。

      2. 别让男人把他自己的出轨怪到妳头上来,切记,切记(可是通常每个劈腿男都会怪到妳头上来)。

      3. 民调里百分之百的男人都说他们从来没有意外和别人上床过(有很多人想知道所谓的意外上床是怎么回事,还频频询问他们要怎样才能享受到天外飞来的艳福)

      4. 出轨没有借口。让我再说一次,出轨没有借口。现在换妳说一次,出轨没有借口。”

    第22个生日,不一样的生日

            刚来美国的时候,还曾想过这里的第一个生日会怎么度过。没有家人,没有往日的挚友,一切都是新的。我期待全新的感受,同时担忧会失去以往的热闹。然而从没想过这三天惊喜,刺激又温暖的感觉源源不断。是的,三天连在一起,一个生日庆祝了不止一次。从未有过的经历。
            其实说三天,也不止。生日的前几天就已经收到祝福了。其中有一封来自高中同学的邮件给了我第一个惊喜。高中的时候我们只做了两年的同班同学,大学的时候也几年一度失去联系,可她总是记得我的生日。今年她的邮件代替了以前的短信,却给我留下了一样的兴喜和内疚,因为我从来不知道她的生日。我还真是不称职的朋友啊(苦笑)。对于星座来说,我是一只粗心的白羊,不拘小节的作风使我对别人缺乏一种细致的关心。当我自责的时候,她用一句“你我各有所长”谅解了我。谢啦,朋友~~~
            如果说那封邮件是我今年庆祝生日的开胃菜的话,那主菜就是和同系的同学去酒吧“疯狂”的玩儿吧。疯狂打了引号,是因为那些事发生在酒吧里也许是稀疏平常的,但对于我这个新手来说,那么多的第一次也就累积成“疯狂”了。
            9号那天,我和几个女性朋友相约9点在Jake's见面。我只约了女的,是因为觉得和其他男性还没有混到那么熟的地步。不过事实证明,就算只约了她们也足够了。我9点准时到了酒吧,可她们半个小时后才陆续抵达。我却意外的一点也没有生气,奇怪。9点对于酒吧来说,果然还是太早了,人也不多,都能听见悬挂着的电视的声音。我暗暗庆幸着,还好不是篮球和橄榄球的时节。
            等她们都来了,过了一会儿M硬把我拉到酒吧的另一边,指示我和两个酒吧“兔女郎”一起站在椅子上。我稀里糊涂的照做了,那两个女招待立刻大声向整个酒吧的人宣布:“大家请安静!今天是我的朋友沈重的21岁生日(在美国21岁是合法喝酒年龄),请大家一起唱生日歌。”好困窘,注意到了全酒吧的目光,再加上之前我已经被灌下一杯子弹酒,还真是让我举足无措啊。(之后我才知道那么难喝的是whiskey,大约50ml。几十分钟后又是一杯brandy……)之后回去座位的途中,经过一桌坐着7,8个美国男的。他们向我打招呼说了几句,我完全没听进去,隐约是“生日”什么的,就随口说了一句“谢谢”。谁知M大笑起来,她说,那是一种美国的习惯,到了21岁,屁股要被拍21下……我那朋友的目的终于达到了,在全酒吧里为难我,让我尴尬。
            那两杯子弹酒还真不是盖的。虽然我那生日蛋糕(我自己烤的第一个奶酪蛋糕)阻挡了一些酒精的作用,但自己明显感觉到沉重的头还有迟缓的思维。尤其是第一杯子弹下肚后,走路也不直了。她们也说我一直在笑,笑得傻傻的。庆幸的是,我的意识是很清醒地,知道自己在干什么。就告诉自己一年也就这一次,放纵也就今天了。管它呢!的确,这种疯狂的想法造成了疯狂的后果。
            在聊天中,我说到下课后我和男同学J聊到当天是我生日。J说,他和朋友有约在附近的另一个酒吧,我可以去那里,他请我一杯生日酒。我话音刚落,Y就说 J对我有些好感。M,她还真是一个直爽,说做就做的人,立马出酒吧打电话给J,叫他过来。可是我当天更想见的是我在跳salsa时遇到的一个人。他更高,更帅,舞跳得也不错。那天晚上有每周固定的salsa聚会。我一直期待着想正好是生日和他一起跳一只舞的,但没有碰到他。我失落的小声嘀咕了一句“我期待的不是J”。Y居然听到了,但她以为我说的是另一个人,P。我以前在Y的逼问下说过刚来系里的时候对P有过好感,因为他够帅,够高,够聪明,也够喜欢中国(傻傻的笑一下)。但Y不理会那已经是过去时了,告诉了打电话回来的M,M就又出去了。不一会儿,J加入了。他请了我一杯轻度的果汁酒(应该是),大家又一起照相留念。等我回到座位上,坐下稳定后意识到酒精这东西还真不好对付。喝过了,身体还真难控制,即使我还是清醒的。于是希望P还是不要来的好。再说已经这么晚了。再说晚上下完课他已经对我用中文说过生日快乐了。再说我们平时交集又不多。再说M回来的时候说他没有接电话,只发了个短信过去,不确定能不能过来。可我再次抬头的时候,正听见其他人说P来了,看见他就站在那里。P说他已经躺在床上睡觉了,然后看到短信过来的。我是捂着嘴,完全说不出话来了。不过我觉得那晚有点对不起P。他来了但是没机会吃上生日蛋糕,很畅销的哦。而且我也没找着机会和他多说几句,大多他都和M聊了。不管怎样,这个作为四个多小时聚会的结尾,还是很有意思和创意的。
            第二天看邮箱,收到另两个同系高一届的男同学在9号给我的祝福。我这才想到原来facebook上有提醒朋友生日的功能。但还是很谢谢他们。美国人还真是会社交。学习学习。
            11号是今年庆祝的最后一道甜点,和一些中国朋友出去吃了一顿晚饭。我们互相都很熟了,性情也都很相似。进行着温馨而又愉快地谈话。我又做了个奶酪蛋糕分给大家吃。这次加了点可可粉,成了巧克力的味道。做得比第一次更好了,在冷却的时候中间没有裂缝,也没有下陷。和第一个蛋糕一样,获得了一致的好评。第一次的那个也相当成功,一个最初说只吃小块的人,又吃了一块。也许是因为第二个蛋糕是中国人在吃,所以评价更高。有的急着问制作步骤,有的把整个蛋糕盘刮干净了。看来我的厨艺还真是可以,生日那天中午第一次做的大排面,也是美味阿。哈哈^ ^
            就这样结束了,属于我的22岁生日。看来能让我回味一阵子啊。这篇日志写起来还真是费力啊。很久没中文写作了,生熟了很多。母语不能丢啊。而且看着这篇日志,还真像是写一篇小说故事一样。一直在揣摩有些东西到底要不要写,怎么写。很久没有这么有意思的写文章了。不错~~~
            22岁有了个这么好的开头,接下来的日子可不能对不起它哦!!加油!!!
    1/25/2009

    A Fantastic Luner New Year Celebration

     
    This Luner New Year is the first one that I've spent without my family. I, however, am not sad at all. On the contrary, I quite enjoy it and it's one of the most impressive ones so far.  Don't be surperized. I'll tell you what I've been through.
     
    Friday is the prelude, a good start. I received an email days ago about a New Year's reception held by a Confucius Institute in the student center. I was delayed by something else and arrived there very late. It turned out that all most all the drinks, snacks and fruits were gone. But I still decided to stay a little bit and to watch some Chinese traditional dances played on a big screen. Suddenly, a few of people gathering around a table caught into my eyes. They were writing "春","福","龙" on a square red paper with brush pen. These paper were gonna sent to non-Chinese people. After a while, here came a Chinese male student. His handwriting was so good even the sponser teacher kept praising it. His grass hand was awesome! I could not help to ask him to writing 5 papers for me. I'd give this to my foreign friends as a gift and to keep one for my own. I didn't eat the free food, but got something much much better!!
     
    After that, about an hour later, I went to the Chinese church to eat dumpings. I don't quite like to be the kind of person who comes there just for free dinner, so I went there early to make dumpings first. The stuffings and flours were made by some families living in the neighborhood. Therefore, dumpings at that night had kinds of flavors. I love that part. I didn't count how many I'd made. Well, as least after that night, I'll probably never say that I am not good at making dumping. I ate a lot, because standing up making dumpings is also an excise, I believe. Ha ha... Just like what I posted on the facebook: "I was a dumpling expert at that night."
     
    On Saterday, the real show was on the stage. I invited some foreign friends to watch the show held by Chinses student association in Purdue. That lasted for 3 hours and a half, which was very good and out of my expectations (although it could not compare to the CUC's. I miss them so much!!). In that afternoon, we saw many diverse type of dances, comedies, and singings. I enjoyed it and my friends too. Plus, they all thought that little square red paper was very cool. When the show was over, we went to a Chinese buffet called Great Wall. It's the second best Chinese restaurant in the neighborhood. The Nai King is in the first place. I was so full that I did not feel any hungry now, almost 5 o'clock am, even though I hanged out in a friends apartment till 2:30 am. Also, it another reason for me to staying up this whole night. Of course, the most important reason for doing that is because the Lunar New Year is coming. And it's a tradition too.
     
    Oh, I have another party to go for today's dinner. Wish we could stay awake at that time.
     
    I'll keep things updated. See u later.
    1/23/2009

    New Year, New Semester, A New Me

     
    What a title I made for this note! It's so interesting that I have persude myself to change so many times, but none of them has a fully success. Every time just makes a little bit different. Should I be disappointed, upset, or ashamed? I talked to friends about this. One let me take it easy, because I'd made a quite big step. On the contrary, another one disagreed this excuse. Yes, it's an excuse. I knew someone, who's in the State now, and totally awesome. To be honest, I'm jealoused. Maybe, I'm just not that somebody.
     
    So be it. Just live my life. It's my own; I can't be somebody else. I'm an optimist, remember?
     
    On the other hand, I'll indeed make some new for myself. Actually, some plans have already on the way. On study, nobody is gonna taking care of me this semester; I have to be on my own this time. Also, I've set up a schedule to go on the learning of Japanese. On the other hand, I decide to further improve my cooking skills. Although, I'm very satisfied what I've made, much more new recipes are waiting for me to discover. Last but not the least, it's the personal relationship part. Oh, I hate to talk about this. A mess could be enough to discribe what it was for me last semester. However, I am not regret what I discarded at all and I'll get it back what I lost.
     
    Keep going. I know I will!
     
    11/13/2008

    Nov 13

    Busy. Ha!
    It's not something physically, but 100% mentally. I had never kept thinking so many stuffs in my brain everyday before. Cooking, doing laundry, shopping, making daily schedule, studying, planning winter vacation, and other endless trivial stuffs. I am so tried. It cannot entirely blame for the God Damned difficult study. Yet, I'm so busy lonely!!
    10/28/2008

    Oct 28

     
    I don't understand why it is so damned hard to make a change!
    I've been what I am now for twenty years. To be a different one? Oh, my God. Can I?!
    I don't know. But I do know that if the same thing keeps going on, this road it would lead is not what I want. Maybe I've wasted so much time that God has already closed that door for me. Oh, no. Every time I think about that, my heart is bleeding. Because I could have done better, and I could have get it.
    Or, maybe it is time for me to let it go. Stop thinking about that. I would have another chance. But when? Where? Who?
    Just a stupid girl I am!
    10/13/2008

    Oct 11.2

    What a busy day it is!!

    I picked a packege in post office, went shopping in goodwill and downtown mall, went out for a dinner, and watched 08 Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony in the end. I am exhausted, but happy and satisfied.

    In the mall, I bought two camises and two jeans, and just spent $25 or so in total. So cheap! It happened that most of the stores had a discount because of the change of season. What's more important was that I found something that suited for me and were nice. That's great! I'm lovin' it!

    With regard to the opening ceremony, to be honest I am disappointed. I believe Lao Mouzi had done a good job, though. The problem is the CCTV failed to present the true astonishing picture on the scene. So far if I were to score it, 75 would be, 43 to Lao Mouzi and 32 to CCTV. Now, I am badly eager to watch the one that NBC broadcasted! And hope it would increase my affection on 08 Olympic.

    Oct 11

    我来广院的那一年

    说起来,难免有些感伤
    学校一直在改变模样
    南院的小琴房,北院的篮球场
    再找不到我吻过你的地方
    我来广院那一年,这儿还叫广播学院
    我的宿舍还在你的对面
    世界在变,在改变,这儿变成传媒大学
    是否这样真的好过从前
    不是我,不爱陪你短信聊天,
    只是宿舍断电,我的手机常没电。
    再也不会有南北院的界限,
    我怎么感觉你我越来越远?
    我来广院那一年,这儿还叫广播学院,
    我的宿舍还在你的对面。
    世界在变,在改变,这儿变成传媒大学。
    是否这样真的好过从前?
    哦…… 我来广院那一年,这儿还有录音学院
    可是现在连他也要不见
    世界在变,在改变,改变我也能理解
    只是伤心总要有个界限
    不知道你有没有,和我一样的感觉?
    我的爱,都留在广院…… 我的爱,都留在广院…………

    Now, I can finally share the same feelings in this song, because ICC / International Communication College no longer exists any more. I don't know where I belonged. On the first day my undergrad life began, I entered ICC in BBI / Beijing Broadcasting Institute. Both of them , however, are disappeared now. Just like the words in the song: "The world is changing, is changing. I can understand changes as well. But there is always a limit for heartbreak."
    10/3/2008

    Oct 2 or 3

    It is weird to write a dairy and don't know which today it belongs to, isn't it? Well, this time it happens like that: the party that I went to began at 9 pm, Oct 2, and ended at 3: 30 am Oct 3. Dad, if you are reading this, please don't mad at me. I promise this is the first time, as well as the last one, since the weather is getting colder and colder.

    It is just so odd that sometime you just don't want to do anything but to hang out with nothing serious. And even you'll find it didn't worth that, but nothing could help you make that choice then. Maybe I have been under pressure for so long a time, and I need to do some crazy stuff. Well, that's it.
    9/27/2008

    Sep 25

    I am a bad girl today. I should've been a hard worker, but it just ends up with me killing the time for nothing. I feel awful.

    Last night, before going to bed, I accidentally read an article on a friend's blog, which was about our ten-year's friendship.

    She wrote it on Aug 12, five days after I left China. She didn't write much on her blog, so this article was still on her first page. While, I've written a lot since I came here, but nothing was about her, and I even forgot to reply her email once. It seemed that I was not a good friend enough.

    She wrote a lot of details in last ten years. For example, we had a serious quarrel before I was taken into hospital nine years ago. And it was me to make the first phone call, and we backed to normal then. For example, when I studied in Shanghai, while she's still in Beijing, we kept in contact with letters for two years, and then via phones. Everytime was me to dail the number, because long distance phone call service was not available in her home yet. While I would've totally forget those, if I didn't read her blog. The only thing I remember is her.

    She said we still had many plans unaccomplished. How can I forget! Next time when we hang out, we should meet at somewhere else rather than Xidan, or maybe at Houhai. Or, next time I shall be her tour guide in Shanghai. Or, next time I ought to treat her a feast, because I own her.

    She said our friendship, as thick as tea, subsided gradually in our hearts, and that we could be friends for a lifetime. I was so in touched when reading these words, and I still am. In a sudden, I find out that we are in different hemisphere now, quite far away than the distance between Beijing and Shanghai. It's not gonna be easy to meet again, though I don't know where to go two years later after my graduation. I miss her, as well as my other friends in China, especially those I was not able to keep in contact with in the last month. I don't wanna lose you guys. It is, however, out of my control.

    She wished me a happy life in the US! I wish I could hear she call me "Shenzhong Xiong" again, soon!
    9/24/2008

    Sep 24

    "That's what they call a closure."  --RACHEL

    Since last Saturday, I have been living in a mess. I had totally no idea about what to do. It was my first time to turn down a guy, and it either came or finished all in a sudden. I'd never expected it would happen so fast, and got no preparation at all. What I thought is that the first year in the US is just for studying and adepting to the new environment. I... I just lose my mind again.

    Whatsoever, I am glad it is all over today, and that I can be back to what I was several days ago. Can I?

    Sep 23

    Tomorrow is another day. Now I can't agree more on that.

    In class, I finally addressed my argument today. Professor R commented that "I agree with your point.(I was the only person holding the same opinion with her in the discussion. I know that in academic every statement is equally valued, though.)......That's a great point.(I don't know whether she really meant it. But just like Erik said today that in the first semester you had to build up self-confidence.)"

    Till now, every daily necessity is in my room, which means I bought a chair today. Yes. Cheers! It's a good match with my desk. Both are made from dark wood. I have to thank Erik again who drove me around the town to find it. But it seems that only the words "thank you" can't express my heartly appreciation. I don't know. Since I arrived America, I have said "Thank you" for hundreds of times I think. To bus drivers, to classmates, to friends, to school staffs...... Everyone is so nice to me, I mean Americans. Maybe they are Americans. Or, maybe I learn gratitude more because I am alone here in the US.
    9/21/2008

    Sep 20

    After my first time of tailgating and watching football game, I am really really exhausted. It was very fun. And I have to say the Americans are "truly madly deeply" crazy. I am lovin' it.

    Sorry, guys. I can't write any more about that. It's all beyond the word. And there is another reason that I have to sleep earlier tonight and focus on reading tomorrow. I have to much left behind. I don't know whether I can make it up one day or not. Oh, no. Just do it.

    Sep 17

    What a fantasic day!
    I gradually understand how a graduate student should read and think. It's a kind of continuing process shifting from concrete to abstract. That's great! All I need to do is to take into practice. Tough! Ha..
    My korean classmate brought me both Japanese and Korean lyrics of Snow Flower, a theme song from a korean drama, because I told her just yesterday that I wanted to learn that korean song. She's so kind! She also told me that Andy became one of the most popular male stars in korean now, and one of the men that korean women wanted to marry most. I was pretty sure that he would have a big success one day. He's so cute! That may bring me back to my undergrad life, being eager to watch his shows. Oh, God! The same thing happened again, just like JT, Roger and Kame. I am really good at picking the promising male stars.
    Talking about JT, I was so shocked to see such a title on the cover of a magazine tonight that "Justin says he is ready to marry Jessica". What! Who's that Jessica!! What's going on!!! I just came to America, and had totally not prepared for such a bomb, though I realized he's 27 now. But I really hope it's just the paparazzi thing!
    Save the best for the last. I was invited to watch a football game with American classmates. Great! When I heard it yesterday, I was so excited that I could not focus on reading any more. Maybe I was over reacted. But I trully want this will be a good chance to know more about them.

    Sep 15

    The most difficult thing but an essential one is to love Life, to love it even while one suffers, because Life is all.
    ----Tolstoy "War and Peace"


    Hurt

    Seems like it was yesterday
    When I saw your face
    You told me how proud you were,
    But I walked away
    If only I knew what I know today
    Ooh, ooh

    I would hold you in my arms
    I would take the pain away
    Thank you for all you've done
    Forgive all your mistakes
    There's nothing I wouldn't do
    To hear your voice again
    Sometimes I wanna call you
    But I know you won't be there

    Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
    For everything I just couldn't do
    And I've hurt myself by hurting you

    Some days I feel broke inside
    But I won't admit
    Sometimes I just wanna hide
    'Cause it's you I miss
    And it's so hard to say goodbye
    When it comes to this, ooh

    Would you tell me I was wrong?
    Would you help me understand?
    Are you looking down upon me?
    Are you proud of who I am?

    There's nothing I wouldn't do
    To have just one more chance
    To look into your eyes
    And see you looking back

    Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
    For everything I just couldn't do
    And I've hurt myself, oh

    If I had just one more day
    I would tell you how much that I've missed you
    Since you've been away
    Ooh, it's dangerous
    It's so out of line
    To try and turn back time

    I'm sorry for blaming you
    For everything I just couldn't do
    And I've hurt myself..
    By hurting you


    Sorry... Two grandpas, Baobao grandma, and uncle. I am so so sorry for what I had done to you, and for everything I just couldn't do. It's so out of line to try and turn back time. I wish I would be the one that make you all be proud of. I wish... I wish...

    Tears will not solve any problems, but enable me to feel more relieved emotionally. To love life! To live life! To live myself!!

    Sep 13

    First, happy Mid-Autumn Festival to everyone.

    This is the first Chinese traditional festival I spend overseas. But it's not so sentimental to me because I had a great time on the Karaoke competition held by Pucssa, Purdue University Chinese Student-Scholar Association. Although it could not bear comparison with any entertaining competitions in CUC, it was still beyond my expectation. A few of competitors were really very talented and their voice were similar to the original ones. The applauses and cheers were continuous through out the whole party. It arouse my memories about parties in CUC. I really missed the catcalls. Maybe CUC is the only place I could hear those again.

    With regard to the moon cake, I didn't buy one. It's so expensive here that a little one cost 4 bucks. Plus, I didn't expect it to have a good taste. After all, it's in the US now. But I made myself Tangyuan instead. In spite of its bad quality, I enjoyed.

    No matter how, I had a good time today. My only hope is that my relatives in Shanghai would not worry too much about me. They all need to put faith on me that I am able to live a good life in the US now.